For as long as I can remember I have always been overweight.

My first memory of being ‘overweight’ is when I was about five or six, I was still in primary school and the school had a tuck shop. The tuck shop opened at breaks and lunchtimes, and whilst my friends would go and spend the little money they had on sweets, I had been told I wasn’t allowed to. I wasn’t given money to spend on those sweet treats. I remember rummaging through the drawers at home in our dresser and finding odd change, I would then take that to school and secretly buy some sweets. Ha! I had found a way around it!

Then there was the day my Dad picked me up from school, he asked me what I had for lunch and I told him, leaving out the part about the sweets. He asked me if I was telling the truth, nervous ¬†and somewhat confused (because how could he possibly know) I said ‘yes’. Later I found out that he and the school had spoken that day, and it had been mentioned that I had been to the tuck shop and bought sweets.

I remembered this story the other day and felt really uncomfortable, it made me cringe and I thought “wow” this started at a young age and just carried on snowballing!

As I got older the idea of hiding food that I bought or eaten didn’t stop, it got worse. I have previously told you about sneaking cookies and chocolate out of my grandparents kitchen into the TV room I studied in. I would hide the evidence, but I also now know they must have realised this was happening. I think I probably took up to 1000 calories worth of snacks each evening. The worst part is they didn’t tell my parents. My parents were dumbfounded as to why I was gaining weight, in their eyes they were doing everything right. I hid the food and my grandparents hid the fact they knew about it. This gives me anxiety about Greyson, because I know what I did and I don’t want him to ever be in that position.

As a kid I heard the phrase ‘it’s puppy fat’ used, not by my family but a friends mum, this friend was also overweight as a kid. She would tell us that it’s just because we are growing and we will grow out of it…she did, and I didn’t.

I don’t know why I over ate as a kid, or wanted to eat the unhealthy foods. I remember sitting down in a restaurant and wanting to eat everything, I wasn’t a deprived kid, yet I felt like I never knew when my next meal was coming. If we went to the grocery store I would want to pick all the foods my friends ate, I wanted to eat all the unhealthy snacks, I felt left out and different.

Despite all my knowledge I am still confused as to how the people I knew as a kid, who ate a lot of crappy foods, are still a healthy weight. Not necessarily healthy, but they are not overweight. They understood or learnt something at a young age which I didn’t and I have spent twenty three years trying to figure this stuff out.

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