I wanted to be a Gilmore, because I didn’t know who I could be.

This weekend I was transported back in time, figuratively of course. My mind was taken back to 2008 when my husband bought me the complete boxset of The Gilmore Girls for Christmas. In fact that year he bought me a lot of boxsets. Back in 2008 I spent most of my time watching TV and immersing myself in these fictional lives, wishing my life was a little bit more like theirs. Whilst their lives were full of drama, I watched as these slim women ate what they wanted and gained zero weight, I wanted to live like that.

I wished I could have a lifestyle fuelled by caffeine and pop tarts.

There was a time when I did try the “Lorelai breakfast” and bought poptarts, I’d just have one, I was already very overweight. The poptarts didn’t change my life, in fact having one was laughable, they come in packs of two! I quickly put an end to this diet. 

I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym without actually having to go of course.

My life didn’t suck, but it didn’t feel complete. I felt like I was worthy of more, but I just didn’t know what I cared about. I didn’t have hobbies, in fact I hated completing that section on job applications! I was so unaware of who Melanie really was, that I just acted my way through a story which had been created. I was just the overweight girl who loved to eat, and had zero clue how to make any healthy progress.

My body, mindset and opinion of myself were as toxic as the foods I ate, I always looked outside of myself for answers. Once my life no longer followed the path I’d expected I travelled further down the rabbit hole.

I now realise that in the months following my father’s death, when everything was turned upside down, I created a new version of myself. This new version no longer had any interest in her education, she was angry at the world for changing her course, and all the therapy in the world couldn’t change my opinion.

You see whilst I didn’t really think University was a good fit for me [and it wouldn’t have been] that had been my plan, and it was an easier path to follow. When I had the option to say no to further education, I jumped at it. I was over being a “kid”.

In the five years between my father’s death and the Gilmore Girls gift, I had spent a lot of time living an unhealthy lifestyle. I though all I wanted was to be slimmer, why couldn’t I get that gift for Christmas?

Now I know that being “slimmer”was never the answer, whilst my weight limited my potential, it was toxic behaviour which built walls around my heart and soul. Losing weight seemed like the simplest solution, I didn’t have to deal with too much shit if I just lost weight. Losing weight seemed like it would solve all my problems.

Instead solving my problems helped me transform my lifestyle…including lose fat.

So rarely is your weight the problem. Whilst being obese can limit your potential to live an abundant lifestyle, it’s more than likely your mindset which has been switched to a limiting belief. A belief that YOU are overweight, and that’s just your life and you have to accept it.

You don’t have to accept it, you don’t have to hide away pretending that what you’ve always wanted is “too much” or a naive dream.

I don’t like problems. I avoid them and don’t like people pointing them out to me.

As I sat down on Friday evening to watch the first Gilmore Girl’s special, I observed how rarely I watch TV nowadays, and at ninety minutes each I was watching the clock. A far cry from the TV and food binges I’d have a few years ago. Whilst their food choices may not have improved, I could now laugh at the idea of “tater tots in tacos” and not feel miserable.

I want you to know that if you find yourself wishing for something more than what you have, it is available in abundance. You are allowed to succeed and no one else is holding you back, you must understand that your weight is a resulting factor of something else. You do not have “food issues”, instead food is being used as a coping mechanism. It’s very easy to switch from using food to something else, but trust me that’s a dangerous path to follow.

I may not have known who I could be back in 2008, but just eight years later and I’ve transformed my lifestyle. I’ve lost 60 pounds, I spent time practicing this lifestyle and making steady progress. 

It no longer matters what I weigh – it only matters how happy I am.

 

 

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