As I played with Greyson and his train set this morning, I noticed he was looking in the mirror, making silly faces so I joined in. As I sat on the floor, I looked at my back. I remembered the moment when I looked in the mirror and noticed my spine. It was 2013, I had finally lost 100lbs and I remember trying to bend in front of the mirror so I could catch a glimpse of it again like it was a mythical creature. CHECK, another my diet goals off the list!
Yes, as scary as it might seem to me now, being able to see my spine was like a congratulatory pat on the back that I was now slim enough. It didn’t just stop at my spine, I also loved the look of my collar bones and I had the elusive thigh gap too. What bothers me about this the most is not just that I used this as a measure of my health (because I was healthy) but that I didn’t ever think I was that thin. It was like I still saw myself as the overweight girl, even when I wore size 4 clothes.
I weigh about 190lbs, I can’t see my spine, but it’s okay I know it is still there, I actually have collar bones still – and as the meme says my thighs are in love with each other!
I’m still hanging onto some of those small clothes, not because I have a desire to be that small, but because they are hardly worn – it’s such a waste. I remember buying them, and I never ever thought I would gain weight. I thought that was it, I would be this dress size forever.
Was I naive? Perhaps, but I also just thought I had it all figured out, that my way of doing things was the right way and that it was permanent.
Now I know that there is no ‘right way’ to lose weight, there are dangerous ideals and dangerous diets out there. We are not just a product of our upbringing, but what we see in the media, and how we place other people on a pedestal. That friend who we had in high school who was perfect to us, did she ever see herself as perfect? That celebrity who always looks polished, isn’t that how they are ‘packaged’?
My mission is to help you stop being a victim, stop focusing on negativity and see how amazing you and your body already are!
Slowly all the results you want will follow.