I posted on social media a story about a leather jacket. After almost 20 years of wanting one I finally bought it and didn’t even hesitate. It was only after I had bought the jacket that I realised I had never felt like I actually deserved one…
It was only then that I realised how many other things I have associated with weight loss since I was a teenager, denim jackets, calf length boots, white jeans and shorts.
For at least fifteen years I have never thought about buying these items because I hadn’t lost enough weight. In 2013 I bought a denim jacket, I wore that jacket all the time and I can just about get it on now, but why can’t I just buy another one that actually fits? I also bought boots, it turns out even when I lost weight I still have calves, ones which do not fit into leather boots. I remember being really irritated because I had waited for years to get a pair and I still had squished legs. White jeans? Well they did look lovely, but the image in my head was of someone with a tan…that.is.not.me.
The shorts are the only item of clothing I actually committed to before I had lost weight.
How much weight was going to be enough? When was I going to feel like I deserved them?
Okay, so let me start by saying this mindset is effing exhausting! I cannot believe I have spent so much of my life waiting around for a miracle to happen so that I can buy these *things*, and then when I put in the hard work and finally get there its not what I imagined.
Well time is up on the ‘leather jacket mindset’, if I want to I will wear shorts, white jeans and a denim jacket (not all at the same time), I will do all the things I have put off for years because I was a little scared, not ready or not *small* enough.