I posted this last week on my Instagram Story feed, and it got such a great reaction from so many women that I felt inspired to go a little deeper on the subject of becoming less of a human doing, and dialling in on human being.
For decades women have been conditioned to do more, do it all, create life balance (more on that in a moment) and no matter what happens you cannot break or sweat or let anyone see you struggle.
Well friend, here at MK HQ we do not believe in this kind of bullshit. I don’t believe that women have to do or be ANYTHING other than their true, fierce selves.
You may have seen a post floating around the social feeds recently titled “This is what self care really means…” in which the author discussed the idea we need to stop glorifying certain types of self care, when in fact it is a way of numbing from a life of mediocrity.
I agree 100%, BUT what this post did not share was what it means to take care of yourself or how you find time to look after yourself in an intentional way.
In a world where women choose to be busy over productive (yes busy is a mindset) and believe that they desire “work life balance” it is no wonder women are running on a hamster wheel asking themselves:
“How did I even end up here?”
It’s like the chicken or the egg scenario…what comes first?
- More sleep or a morning routine?
- Morning routine or reading?
- Reading or meditating?
- Meditating or sleeping?
It’s so hard to know what to do first and how to implement something which doesn’t lead to more stress or anxiety in your life.
The words ‘self care’ are being used heavily within the health and wellness industry right now, but this is more than just a temporary trend or fad, this is something we NEED to get right, so that generations to come are not spending their lives with the eternal desire for a vacation.
So, what does it mean to practice “self care” and how do you know if you’re doing it right?
Self Care Is…
I’ll start by reiterating what self care ISN’T and that is avoiding the greater issues and numbing the pain/struggle/emotions you feel.
A society who is continually stressed and busy, is a society who continues to numb their pain.
I should point out that by “numbing” I do not just mean via drugs or alcohol. Numbing is a security blanket, and this encompasses food, money and being the person who is always DOING.
At its very core, self care is about the way you treat your body and your mind. It’s less about being a human doing, and more about practicing being a human being.
Self care is like a project, a project in which you are the main focus #projectyou and it’s entirely your responsibility to allow yourself the time to practice, because there has to be action before ease.
I have the absolute pleasure of connecting with 100’s of ambitious female entrepreneurs each day, and they ALL desire their own version of success. It’s easy to look at them and say “I don’t know how she does it” but it’s important to know that the doing, doesn’t improve the being, in fact it suppresses our natural feminine energy which prefers to feel good over doing good.
Social media would like you to believe that we are all just building empires whilst meditating throughout the day – it’s just not true. Work still has to be done, there are tasks which only you as the CEO (of your life) can do, and the first rule to self care is to stop this “balance shit show”.
The Balance Shit Show
I’m going to share a secret with you… balance is bullshit.
*Exhale* doesn’t that feel good?
Imagine a seesaw, to create balance, each end must be equal. However, I know YOU, and you are a multi faceted badass female whose life is made up so many tasks, schedules and desires that you simply cannot balance them all.
My business is my second child, and I’m unafraid to admit that each month when I set my priorities, my business comes first. Of course I love my family, but if I am not coaching, creating and doing what I love – I get cabin fever.
Whilst others are striving for balance, I am intentionally creating harmony with the six areas of my life:
Each of these areas gets attention, but it is FAR from balanced! Putting my life into six categories allows me to get really clear on what is a priority each month, and it reduces the pressure because I know that this is a bite size chunk of my life which will directly impact my future in a positive way.
The key is not to adopt someone else’s self care routine, but to figure out what works for you and your schedule. Honestly, this is the ONLY way to treat your lifestyle, because you are uniquely you!
Be really clear on what you want to achieve by creating a positive self care routine, and how it will affect your life, HOW will it make you MORE productive and get your closer to your desires?
Consider when you are at your happiest, don’t justify it with money/realism BS, just imagine YOU at your happiest and what leads you to that happy place.
As I reflected on 2017, I noticed a pattern:
I am at my happiest, and my relationship with my husband is at its best when we are on vacation.
You might be thinking “Well duh Melanie…you’re all chill and shit” but that’s not what makes me happy. As I’ve already shared I LOVE the hustle, but what I also love is being in the USA. My deepest desire and goal is to move there, and I had the joy of visiting friends and being in the US three times last year.
Each time, I left with a feeling of sadness, a feeling of loss over a place I love so much and hold so close to my heart.
When I practice self care, specifically meditation I am continually drawn to these cities, these moments and the feeling of internal peace I have within my body. Coincidentally when I was in labour with Greyson, and not knowing what was going on other than he was six weeks early, I visualised myself in New York City, standing on the balcony of the hotel where I got married. I was calm, the breeze was blowing and I was calling Greyson’s name…woo woo? I don’t care, it got me through a short labour with ease, and I am grateful for that.
Your actions are entirely dictated by what you are ready to allow your mind to do.
The problem is you think you are in control, you think that you’re supersonic, but the real magic is happening in ways you don’t even realise.
When you procrastinate, there is a story.
When you find yourself searching the cupboards for food, there is a story.
When you find yourself continually struggling to make money, there is a story.
When you struggle to create some kind of self care routine which *feels* good, there is a story.
My own personal struggle with self care, and again specifically meditation is that I am AMAZING at being a human doing. Oh boy, you give me strategies, structures and a step-by-step guide to success and I AM THERE!
Except, it doesn’t work like that.
I’ve been working on my own personal struggles, around grief and fear of success for about 2 years and it is only recently that I have been able to unbox my fears and struggles to the point where I can quieten my mind and meditate with ease. It is not perfect, but the transformation is phenomenal.
Self care at its core is about taking care of your body and mind in a loving and compassionate way. Self compassion can only thrive when you accept that struggle and fear are part of humanity, and you are human. You cannot perfect self care, it must come from a deep place of care and love for yourself and your future. If you are not ready, it is okay, instead of forcing yourself to wake up at 5am or doing something which doesn’t feel good, look for divine guidance because when you allow your mind to open up and spend time being, you will discover the EXACT path you need to take.
You want to commit to your goals and spend time working on what you WANT versus what you HAVE to do.
Imagine your schedule is a closet, you find a new pair of shoes, they fit perfectly, they are your favourite colour and they are 50% off #winning so you buy them without hesitation! YOU WANT THE PRETTY SHOES! Then reality hits when you open your closet door, you’ve already got a million pairs of shoes, and they are all important, where are you going to put the new shoes?!
Do you return them?
Of course not – they are perfect and 50% off – you MAKE space, and your schedule is the same.
If you keep adding tasks, goals and appointments to your schedule, you’ll find yourself busy and burnt out! Instead of saying YES to everything which does not serve you, say YES to yourself and use your 24-hours with strategy and purpose.
Download your copy of my 24-hour time audit and uncover up to 60-minutes per day so that you can start working on your goals and achieving success.