In today’s episode I’m diving into why I believe that the zero f*cks given mindset is not for everyone. We see it everywhere and whilst I’m certainly partial to a ‘double-tap’ on Instagram, I also know that this is mindset sooooo many women strive for.

We associate ‘zero f*cks’ with confidence, and in 2017 far too many women feel like they aren’t enough, as wives, mothers, business owners — we feel so unworthy. With reality TV and social media fame, it can easily create this sense of inadequacy, like if we’re not all striving for this ‘perfect’ showreel well then we don’t get to be happy, loved, satisfied.

Whilst ‘zero f*cks’ can feel empowering, it’s not providing the confidence boost women are looking for. Do you really want to not care?

Zero f*cks given is not the same as confident.

Confidence is not something we either have or don’t have, it is a taught behaviour. If you’re an introvert like me, then you’ve likely sit back and allow others to talk, show up and take control of a situation. You’ve probably watched, assessed and only stepped out when you feel 100% comfortable and ready.

This is not a lack of confidence, but rather your perception of any given situation. When we are confronted with a situation which we associate to anxiety, vulnerability, shame, fear — basically when we are out of our comfort zones — our biggest fears are being validate, by our own story’s and beliefs.

So, it is not about giving zero f*cks, but instead giving the right ones to right causes. The things we truly feel passionate about, the situations which align with our core values — this is where our time, energy and f*cks should be given.

If something is not aligned with my core values, then I’m not going to do it. If someone says something which goes against my belief system, I will stand up for myself, I’m no longer afraid to be visible.

Visibility = Vulnerability, and we are petrified to be seen. Click To Tweet

In the book ‘The life changing magic of not giving a f*ck” Sarah Knight helps you to declutter your f*cks. It’s an awesome read, it really helped me when working in my 9-5 made me want to scream. Every.Single.Day. Sarah takes you through organising and decluttering your f*ck barn, so that you can decide:

a] What am I going to give a f*ck to

b] Which f*cks do I need to let go of

Example: I gave a f*ck about my 9-5 job because it paid my bills and served a purpose, I did not give a f*ck about a promotion as it was not my passion or dream. I stopped trying to work so hard to look for the good, or continually trying to find my escape route. I gave more f*cks about my passion and planned escape route…and here we are…

When I lived in the ‘zero f*cks given’ mindset I felt like a fraud, because I did give a f*ck, I’m the kind of person who often cares too much and fights really hard for people or situations.

Nowadays, because I’m giving the right f*cks, I’m living in my truth. I’m showing up as Melanie, and this is how I started to let go of perfection.

#EffPerfect is not #zerofucksgiven, it is about ending the desire to achieve a perfect showreel.

I used to be ‘all or nothing’ girl, but when I became tired of acting and pretending I decided to just go all in on me, discover who I am and create a healthy lifestyle which feels practical, doable and represents me.

Do your daily/weekly actions represent the life you want to live? If not then try applying these three strategies:

#1 – What are you core values?

Write this down. It doesn’t need to be publication quality, don’t focus on the perfection of this exercise, instead write down the words which come to mind. What do you feel passionate about? What do you stand up for? What gets you fired up?

#2 – List your goals/intentions.

What are you trying to achieve right now? Maybe you’re trying to implement movement, healthy eating, relaxation or perhaps you’re going for a promotion at work or want to quit the 9-5 and build your own business.

Are you struggling to achieve/implement these things?

#3 – What’s missing between your values and goals?

Are you looking for a promotion because it pays, when in reality you want more time back? Are you focused on completely overhauling your diet, rather than just adjusting one thing to get started? Are you overwhelmed by your goals?

Are you trying to overachieve?

Wherever you are struggling, please know that people are willing to help you. Asking for helps shows true vulnerability, and willingness to learn. I used to think I could do everything on my own, I wasn’t prepared to invest my own money because ‘what if’

What if I fail?

What if it’s a mistake?

What if’s are not going to take you in the right direction, only action will move you forward. I believe that every person or situation I meet teaches me something, even if I feel incredibly fearful in the moment, or if the person is not aligned with my core values — it’s still a learning curve.

It's not their job to like me, it's my job to like me. Click To Tweet

I leave you with this thought:

Your lack in confidence will not be solved by giving zero fucks, and it is not an inability to show up. First, you must practice showing up.



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